B & B continued...

In the previous post I mentioned that a side effect of the baby having thrush is that she has pain during latching on and can be rather fussy and pulls off frequently. The problem is that we haven't been able to do a single feeding today without having to end the feeding with just giving her my pumped breast milk in a bottle. I find it hard to give myself the excuse to cause her more pain just so that I can feed her by the breast instead of the bottle. So starting tonight I plan on giving her the bottle of my milk instead of the breast. I'm a little worried about that, first I am scared that it will be hard for me to feed her and pump to maintain my supply every three hours by myself. It was quiet hard when I was only doing it once a day to start my supply. So depending on how long this might have to go on I'm worried about drying out. The other problem is that she might have additional reasons for not wanting me. She might have nipple confusion--where they realize it is easier to feed off a bottle and don't want to work at expressing milk from the breast. If that is the case there isn't going to be any turning back. This will be the last time that I would have naturally breastfeed my little girl. I really tried to do everything right, at the right time, so it saddens me to think this--that she might not want mommy anymore.

In it all, I can't excuse myself to cause her pain because of my set backs. Her being feed is not about me; it's about her. She needs what is best for her, and she needs to be as comfortable as possible. She doesn't need me to give her more pain due to my insecurities. Plus I think of two very encouraging sayings. One: Worry is just a payment for a debt you do not owe. And the Second: The opposite of worry is prayer. So, God knows my heart. He knows what is best. I'll let Him handle it, because He surely can.