tick tock....tick tock

Well.....I'm at work and things are really laid back. There is a part of me that enjoys not having to run around like a chicken with head cut off from time to time. And I am kinda excited about an uneventful day today to go into a weekend. But at this time I'm thinking a lot. Thinking about a lot of stuff that is going on that I probably should not be thinking about. It's not like I'm worried. It's just that when this something happens it gets you thinking about life. I promise not to torment you forever. I just don't want to give all the details yet until I know them all myself. So just keep me in prayer.

Anyways, moving on. This saturday our whole church is participating in 'Sharfest'. Our home group signed up as a team and are going to an Elementary school and help clean up the campus, paint a mural and stuff. I'm looking forward to it. Yester-years I use to go witnessing in LAX or walk the streets with a group of Christians in Long Beach and pass out tracks. Ya, I know, you are probably thinking, "you were one of those crazy people". But I've been missing it lately. I try to be a witness in my daily life. But there is something to say for when you are actively witnessing. When you see the light in people's eyes when the dedicate their lives to God and decide to accept Jesus as their savior.

I've also been thinking about mission trips. I went on my first mission trip in nursing school. And honestly I didn't really think I would like it. But I wanted to try it once. I ended up loving it and told myself that I would continue to do something with missions through out my life. Our church, I don't think, doesn't do any more then normal with missions. But for part of the women's monday night live they had a panel of women from our church talk about missions in their lives. Some of them are women who have made an effort reaching out to their family, as their mission. One of the ladies raised 5 boys who ended up praying for them as they all went into some mission field. Isn't that amazing! --the call of God....One was a young mother with twin 2 year olds and a 6 month old baby is going with her husband to Iraq in December. I don't think I can do that. But I do feel the pull to do something. Maybe this year my family and I can participate in the trip to Puerto Escondido to the orphange. I don't know. It's one of those things that I'm amazed that I have a desire for. It's something that I wouldn't choose for myself. Something that I am surprised that is in me at all. Like the fact that I have a minor in Youth Ministries. Something like that still makes me laugh now. I never would have put myself there. But God literally closed every single door until that was all that was left. Can you believe that? I kept asking God to tell me what to minor in. I was lost. I wanted to minor in music so bad but the door was slammed shut. So I just kept hunting and waiting. God still hasn't used it. I'm waiting for His direction. He must have a plan for it. I don't feel a specific pull in one direction and He hasn't laid anything in front of me. So it just sits there.

I know this might be really boring to read...because I'm just babeling on about odd stuff. So if you don't want to continue reading thats okay.

I've been reading two books by Beth Moore. I'm really on this Beth Moore thing. I had the same thing with Jim Cymbala several years back. He has some really good books if you ever want to check him out. Anyways the first Beth Moore book I'm reading is 'Breaking Free'. And the second is Voices of the faithful. I'm not too far in either book so I'll let you know how it goes, but so far it is really good. I didn't pick up breaking free because I felt like I had to be set free from anything. But I just felt....I guess a pull toward it. And as I started reading Moore describes the worst captive is the ones who are unaware of their captivity. It's interesting and I just see God pulling me in a direction to set free the general strongholds in my life. God wants a hold of me. He doesn't want anything else. I feel like He is trying to have me deny everything else and say no to myself. That is where I feel it is bringing me. I think about that and the unmentionable topic going on in my life and I don't see the obvious connection. I see the connection with other aspects of my life. I see the deny self with my weight loss goals, or my financial management, or my walk with Christ, or my relationships.

Note: This was written through out my shift. And now my shift is over so I'm just going to post it. thank you for reading if you read this far. I'm sure at some point I'll ramble on again soon.